That'll be the Zachary whom hands-on-dad Elton and David have dumped in a flat next-door with a couple of nannies while they continue their gay lifestyle out on the town.
"The singer is said to have chosen Scottish-educated magazine editor Ingrid Sischy and her lesbian partner Sandy Brant to be Zachary’s moral guardians."
Curiously, "Before her relationship with Ingrid, socialite Sandy was married to
Now I thought the gays said they were born that way? And yet Mrs Brant seems to have entered into a heterosexual marriage and tried the alternative at least five times before she decided she didn't like it.
Let us hope the MoS had its tongue in its cheek when describing these ghastly lesbian partners-in-perversion as Zachary's 'moral guardians'. According to the Church of England's baptism service, the duties of godparents are to set the young child an example by their own godly living, draw him into the community of faith, walk with him in the way of Christ, reject the devil and all rebellion against God, renounce the deceit and corruption of evil, repent of the sins that separate them from God, turn to Christ as Saviour, submit to Christ as Lord and declare that they come to Christ, the way, the truth and the life.
That little package is going to be as high a mountain to climb for a pair of self-confessed lesbians as it would be for Elton and David. Their whole lives are lived in rebellion against God, filled with deceit, sin and corruption, walking down the broad path which leads to destruction, spitting in the face of Jesus Christ.
Now this is a really tough decision for me to make, but as Elton scours his morally-bereft entourage for further godparents, I thought I ought to offer my services.
OK, it might involve some tedious expenses-paid trips to the USA, and I have a horrible feeling that someone like the Episcopalian gay anti-bishop Gene Robinson will conduct the 'baptism,' so I might have to grit my teeth during the service, and while mingling with the weird at the after-show party, but if all that gives just one child a chance of a decent life, it will be worth it.
Who knows, I might be the only opportunity Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John will ever have to be acquainted with someone who is more-or-less normal and who could help him escape from the lifestyle of decadence and depravity he is set to be led into.
So Elton, if you are reading this, and you are still short of a godfather, count me in.
“The Liturgy of Baptism (Common Worship version):
"The godparents shall be persons who will faithfully fulfil their responsibilities both by their care for the children committed to their charge and by the example of their own godly living."
"At the baptism of a child, the president says to the parents and godparents
"Parents and godparents, the Church receives this child with joy.
"Today we are trusting God for his growth in faith.
"Q: Will you pray for him, draw him by your example into the community of faith and walk with him in the way of Christ?
"A: With the help of God, we will.
"Q: In baptism this child begins his journey in faith. You speak for him today. Will you care for him, and help him to take his place within the life and worship of Christ’s Church?
"A: With the help of God, we will.
"A large candle may be lit. The president addresses the candidate through his parents, godparents and sponsors.
"In baptism, God calls us out of darkness into his marvellous light. To follow Christ means dying to sin and rising to new life with him. Therefore I ask:
"Q: Do you reject the devil and all rebellion against God?
"A: I reject them.
"Q: Do you renounce the deceit and corruption of evil?
"A: I renounce them.
"Q: Do you repent of the sins that separate us from God and neighbour?
"A: I repent of them.
"Q: Do you turn to Christ as Saviour?
"A: I turn to Christ.
"Q: Do you submit to Christ as Lord?
"A: I submit to Christ.
"Q: Do you come to Christ, the way, the truth and the life?
"A: I come to Christ.”
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